Disparate notes. Or, not.

For those who’ve read the Wedding belles! post, the news is that my friend has turned out to be one fast worker! She seems to have found someone she thinks is it! He thinks pretty much the same about her and, apparently, they talk till the wee hours of the morning every day!! Although he’s based in New York, fortunately for both, he has been in India on an assignment for a while. And, they’ve met quite a few times already!!! Clearly, things are going well for them and I’m really glad for my friend. However, each time she calls, as she did this morning, I do try and tell her to take it slow. Of course, I try as hard as possible not to sound like a wet rag but, thankfully, she also agrees.

They met over a month ago but things really took off only a few days ago. I guess I’m being a little cynical and wary but, then, that’s the only way I know. I’m not sure what it is about this that makes me tell her to take it a step at a time...is it the speed at which it’s all happening or is it the sudden emotion that she says she is feeling? I don’t know. The trouble is that, while she may not be a babe in the woods, my friend is an extremely innocent and straight person...the kind that you don’t come across these days. And, I guess I just don’t want her to get hurt...especially because she really likes the guy. Anyway, I’ll be keeping my fingers, and toes, crossed that it works out for her.

***

A few days ago, I received a picture postcard, on which the sender had written some lovely lines from Neruda. For some reason, and not necessarily because there is a direct or indirect connection between them, those lines immediately reminded me of what must rank as some of my favourite lines in poetry.

And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

— T.S.Eliot

That’s life, isn’t it? A constant process of learning and, if I may tweak the words a little, of constant disillusionment. Of having to start over.

Call it my defense mechanism, but I don’t expect that things will work out for me or that a project will materialise or that someone will live up to my expectations...because I have no expectations. Sure, I’d like a lot of things to happen but I just don’t have any expectations from anyone or anything. In fact, my friend, whom I’ve mentioned above, always asks me if I’m excited about the upcoming TV series. I should be, I know. Because, all said and done, it is a bloody big project. But, over time and with experience, I’ve learnt that things don’t happen until they actually happen...and this is true of everything in life. Just because something should happen, doesn’t mean it will. So, my answer to her, as always, is that I know better than to be excited. Cynical? Maybe.

But to return to what I was saying, what strikes me as really funny, on the rare occasions that I can see the funny side of this, is that even with the lack of expectations, people still have this amazing ability to disappoint you. Not in who they are but in the way they conduct themselves.

On second thoughts, then, maybe I exaggerate the absence of expectations in myself. Because, maybe, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t have any.

All this, of course, stems from a recent experience but, to be honest, it’s nothing serious or even important. One lives and learns...and that, I think, is what worries me more. Because one learns to be afraid. One learns to be distrustful. And, one learns to be cynical.