Thoughts and other trivia...

Saturday, May 20, 2006

To say that the last eight or nine months have been very strange and very difficult for me, even life altering in some ways, would be an understatement. But, having learnt my bitter lesson, that will all go down in a very personal and secret blog that I hope to start very soon :-)

Anyway, moving on...first, let me thank all of you for your comments and condolence messages. I really appreciate it.

I don’t know how many of you have had the occasion to be part of funeral proceedings from close quarters. Although this was the second time in my immediate family, it was my first in terms of complete involvement. And, I wish I had something nice to say about the whole business. On the contrary, some of the rituals seemed completely morbid to me and, in fact, made my stomach a manner of speaking. Although some of my friends think otherwise, even offering reasons and explanations behind some of the rituals and acts, I’m not convinced at all. What makes it worse for me is the involvement of priests, whose mere sight has always been enough to give me a hemorrhage. The whole system has been designed and manipulated by these wretches, whose only aim appears to be to benefit themselves and their greedy brethren.

It’s like Tabula Rasa said on his blog some time back, and again in his comment against my last post, death is not about the person who passes on. It’s really about those that this person leaves behind. I remember writing in his blog that I’m quite okay with death. I can handle death, even that of those around me. What is really difficult, however, is to see the person suffer. In both the cases at home, unfortunately, there was some suffering. This time, the last few hours were particularly difficult for the person and quite painful to watch. What was really shocking was the astonishing speed at which this person’s condition worsened. Even the doc, whom we called over a few minutes before the end came, was taken aback at seeing this person and the deterioration in the three weeks since the person had been discharged from hospital. Given this person’s age and the suddenness of it all, somehow, makes the whole thing seem though it hasn’t really happened.

When I die, I want to be taken straight to the electric crematorium and be done with. I would like the ashes to be scattered on any patch of green...ideally, among my many pots and plants at home. My eyes have been pledged since 1989 and, hopefully, whoever is around me when I go will have the decency to allow them to be taken for another human being to use. I also wish to pledge use of all the other organs of my body, either for the benefit of other human being/s or for scientific and medical research.


Blogger Inkblot said...

death always seems to be harder ,more complicated,than we think it will be. at least your able to write about it which can lend a strange sort of detachment and objectivity to it.

hope your doing ok with it all.

11:24 pm  
Blogger Tabula Rasa said...

i hated the rituals. i'm not looking forward to the next time. it will come.

3:34 am  
Anonymous chandni said...

Good to see you back!!!


3:52 am  
Blogger Fingers said...

Whether you write on your soon to be launched secret blog, or here,
be well.

9:12 am  
Blogger Prerona said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:48 pm  
Blogger Prerona said...

death is always hard to take. hope we will see u back again - another time, another place :)

4:52 pm  
Blogger GhostOfTomJoad said...

Inkblot: Thanks, pal. I'm fine. Detachment? Well, yeah...I'm pretty much detached from just about everything now :-)

TR: There's really nothng to like about the rituals. But, you're right...there will be other times yet.

Chandni: Thanks :-)

Fingers: THAT is reserved only for the secret blog :-) But, thanks, I'm fine.

Prerona: Thanks. Actually, you're seeing me on my return...did have a small break but am back now. Good to see you again.

6:51 pm  
Blogger Blue Athena said...

Although we all know it's eventual, the thought of death saddens me immensely, especially the ones about my near ones and those dear to me. Sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to take it.

It brings along strength for some and crumbling for others.

Hope you're holding on. Take care friend.

9:24 am  
Blogger sattva said...

gotj, i hope you find the strength you need. many escape from the truth, finding solace in work or denial. but only after genuine grieving can we be liberated from the sadness of death.

9:54 pm  
Blogger km said...

Secret blog! Oooh.

[collars up]

Sotto voce: URL?

1:32 am  
Blogger GhostOfTomJoad said...

Blue Athena: It may seem odd to say this but death is a fact of life, isn't it? And, there seems no other way but to accept it. What I really wish I could do something about though is the suffering that some have to undergo ...b'cos no one deserves that. Thanks.

Sattva: You're right but all of us have our own ways of dealing with situations, although I won't say that denial and work have been mine. Thanks.

KM: Ha, you really crack me up, pal. So, you want the URL, Mr Herlock Sholmes? Well, I've left clues for you all over this blog...written in that ink you have discussed in your last post :-)

11:11 am  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

Good to see you back. Death is a hard emotion to put down in words. Hope you're doing okay.
take care.

11:11 pm  
Blogger Sonia said...

sigh! I hope you're feeling better now. I've always felt pretty bewildered at funerals. I've attended two, and though I was quite small at the time, I remember it all very well. The first thing that comes to mind is that that was the first time I saw my mum without a bindi. I asked her why, and she almost started crying right then.

2:00 am  
Blogger Prerona said...

Ola! Que Paso? Long time no hear? no post? How've you been? Thank you for dropping by :) the other post (the story: Jasmine on the Night) is on the story blog -its a little stuck - any ideas?

10:08 am  
Blogger cactusjump said...

sorry to hear about your loss.

1:12 pm  
Blogger GhostOfTomJoad said...

M: I'm fine, thanks. Hope that tick bite turned out to be harmless.

Sonia: Yes, feeling okay now. It's pretty much the same at home...lots of silent tears.

Prerona: I'm fine...and a post coming up soon :-) Will visit the link and read up the story again.

CactusJump: Thanks.

11:01 pm  
Blogger J said...

so this blog isnt that much of a personal secret anymore?

4:25 pm  
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