Thoughts and other trivia...

Thursday, February 02, 2006

It’s better to have loved and lost rather than not having loved at all…

I’ve heard and read this about a million times. Maybe you’re familiar with it too. I don’t know about you but, if you ask me, it’s a rather daft observation. It may be alright for those Romantic heroes but in the real world, losing the person you love feels pretty much like a knife is being driven through your heart.

It’s been a long time now but the pain just doesn’t go away. An old photograph, a shared song, a particular smell, the wretched dreams…each feels like a stab in the chest. And then, there’re the letters. And the memories. How does one deal with memories? Because they have this nasty habit of creeping up on you unannounced, at the unlikeliest of moments…and ruining whatever it is that you’ve been doing! It’s better to have lost? My friggin’ foot!

"Be thankful you knew her at all…" says a song. I’m sorry, I cannot find any consolation in the fact that I knew her once. That we were in love. Not a day goes by when I don't think about her. And, each time, I can’t help wondering why. If it had to break up, why did it start at all? Why? Because, to begin with, it was a one in a million chance that we even met! We lived in different cities, had different backgrounds, no common friends…it was truly a miracle that we even came across each other. But that’s another story…

Of course, I would’ve been the poorer for not knowing her…I would’ve missed out on the absolutely wonderful times I’ve had with her. The point, however, is…am I any better off today? What’re those wonderful memories, and the experience of being in love, doing for me today? What? NOTHING…that’s what they do for me. Absolutely nothing! Maybe I would’ve been better off not knowing her at all. Maybe I would’ve been better off not knowing what it feels like to be in love. Because, no matter how hard I try to move on, I always find myself looking back. I’ve tried getting into a new relationship…not once, not twice but five times. And, under normal circumstances, I could’ve got into a long-term relationship with at least two of them. (In fact, my closest friend is certain that I would’ve ended up happily married to one in particular.) They were really nice people but, if I were to paraphrase another favourite singer, I look for her in everyone. I know that’s not right but I find myself comparing everyone to her and, expectedly, they come up short.

The point I’m trying to make here is this…if I hadn’t known her, or what it feels like to love, I might have had a greater chance of getting into relationships. Sure, they might not have been very happy or lasting relationships, but I could’ve lived on in the hope of finding true love. At least, I would’ve had some hope…

11 Comments:

Blogger Archster said...

very beautifully written. I was at that very strage for the longest time, and then i was rudely woken up and made to realise that it wasnt the real thing.

Boy am i glad i got that wake up call!

11:28 pm  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

u know it..

everone is unique in their own ways...
move on....
if u dont u might miss a chance to know someone more beautifull inside:)

9:32 am  
Blogger Ash said...

The way I see it the world isnt too kind with people who suffer (whatever the reason).....
Take your own time.
Maybe things will get better

11:53 am  
Blogger GhostOfTomJoad said...

archster: Well, it was the real thing, although it didn't work out.


demi goddezz: I may have already missed that chance but... trying to move on :-)


ashley: No problem with the world yet, although I know what you mean. Life does seem a bit more unfair than it is, isn't it?

6:46 pm  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

I am sorry that it did not work out for you that one time. And like you say it spoils you for any relationship after that. It is hard to get over true love. But love is like a piece of china. Once broken, even if you try to mend it the crack remains. You'd be wrong in going back to your past. Life moves on and so must you. You have a wonderful life ahed of you. if you live in the past, you will be ruining not only your chances of happiness but also the happiness of someone else who will love you and want to spend her life with you. I know it all sounds really heartless right now. But trust me, you'll be able to move on too.
take care. and thanks for visiting my blog on your break.

8:34 pm  
Blogger cactusjump said...

the idjit who came up with that line was obviously some dispassionate, cold, unfeeling sod. and don't believe those who say you will forget in time cos memories will always creep back. :) sorry, but this has been my experience. who knows, maybe they are right and we have hope :P

12:42 am  
Blogger GhostOfTomJoad said...

M: You don't sound heartless at all. And I know you're right.

cactusjump: Thanks for the show of unity! :-)

6:44 pm  
Blogger Rat said...

Your post was very honest. I really hope you find a way to move on completely. Its the most horrible feeling in the world for a girl to know she will never match up to an ex.

12:46 pm  
Blogger GhostOfTomJoad said...

rat: I think it'll be tough on anyone to know, or even feel, that they're constantly being compared to someone else. Unfair on everybody. But i am trying to get on and this piece can be attributed to one of the bad moments. Thanks.

10:44 am  
Blogger Jinal Shah said...

I once asked, when two people break apart-- where does the love go?
And I still haven't found an answer. But I think, in a parallel universe, the love lives on.

You raise some wonderful thoughts in your blog here. The kind we don't have the time or the energy to consider in our fast-paced lives....

1:35 am  
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4:30 pm  

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